


Did My Time | Jonathan Davis/OC |

by topknot32



Category: Jonathan Davis - Fandom, KoRn (Band), Slipknot
Genre: 90’s, Completed, Corey Taylor - Freeform, F/M, Fanfiction, Jonathan Davis - Freeform, Korn - Freeform, Minor Original Character(s), Munky - Freeform, Nu Metal, Original Character - Freeform, Original Character(s), Romance, Short Story, Slipknot - Freeform, brian welch, fan fiction, metal, musician - Freeform, rock music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27927376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/topknot32/pseuds/topknot32
Summary: It’s 1994 and Nu Metal is gaining popularity and traction on the west coast. Alexis Taylor, the younger sister of Slipknot’s frontman Corey Taylor, drives from Des Moines, Iowa to Long Beach, California to help her brother get settled in his new apartment with his new roommates, Jonathan Davis and James Shaffer aka Munky.While she’s there, she finds herself drawn to the mysterious lead singer of the somewhat known band, Korn. His eyes always seem to be on her and she can’t deny he has an affect on her no one else ever has
Relationships: Jonathan Davis/OC
Kudos: 2





	1. Here to Stay

**A L E X I S T A Y L O R**

_— she was a wild one; always stomping on eggshells that everyone else tiptoed on._  
| kaitlin foster |

**J O N A T H A N D A V I S**

_— my imagination completely controls me and forever feeds the fire that burns with the dark red light in my heart by bringing me the best dreams. i've always had a wild imagination, a big heart, and a tortured soul so i feel that dark fantasy, love, and horror are in my blood_.  
| elizabeth kim |

**C O R E Y T A Y L O R**

_— our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us._  
| marianne williamson |

**M I K A Y L A M O N R O E**

_— she wore her scars as her best attire. a stunning dress of hellfire._  
| daniel saint |

**ALEXIS , 1994  
LONG BEACH, CA**

The guitar case is heavy in my right hand as we trudge on down the sidewalk, my brother and me. Two peas in a pod, we are as we walk side by side. Ever since birth he's been my shadow, my best friend. Short tempered and loud mouthed as I am, it's a good thing I had a fierce warrior as a sibling growing up. A silent warrior he is. The kind you don't see coming until it's too late. Without parents to look out for us, we turned to each other when we needed a shoulder. 

The hot California sun beats down on my arms and I can feel a sunburn coming on. I'm not use to these rays, being from Iowa and all. The streets of Long Beach are bustling with activity, from beach goers to business professionals, theres people from all walks of life. 

"How much further?" I ask Corey as he starts to pull ahead. Even with two heavy duffel bags thrown over his shoulder, his steps are swift, while I'm struggling to carry his prized Gibson acoustic. We had arrived in the city earlier today. It was a long, long drive from home, but how could I say no when he asked me to come along?

"Not far," Corey slows when he sees I'm not in line with him anymore. "Couple blocks I think." He takes a minute to survey our surroundings. There hadn't been available parking at the apartment building, so we had to leave the car in a lot a bit of a walk away from our destination. "Come on." He encourages me to pick up the pace and I do my best. 

"This place better have air conditioning." I whine as a beach bum in a pair of swim trunks almost runs in to my shoulder. "Watch where you're walking!" I call out after him, but that just earns a side glance from my brother. 

"If your mouth gets me in a fight in the three days you're here, I'm going to be pissed." The smirk on his face tells me he's kidding, but I know it won't be the first time. I have a way of talking myself into trouble, usually with people of the opposite sex who are a lot bigger than me. Luckily, I've always had Corey and he's always had my back. 

"Where did you meet these guys?" I raise a brow as we turn a corner and I see the sign we've been looking for. Grand Terrace Apartments. They don't look all that grand from here, in fact they look like they see more crime than the police station, but what do I know. 

"A show in Sacramento last year." Corey mumbles while stopping to dig out a sheet of paper from his pocket. "Third floor, apartment thirty-eight." 

"What am I going to do without you?" I stick out my bottom lip and pout as he chuckles. 

"You're going to be just fine. You can come visit me anytime." I mull that over as we start walking again and when we get to the entrance, we are greeted by the sound of a stereo playing metal music and a group of guys sitting out front smoking cigarettes. There's old milk crates being used as chairs and a beat up picnic table covered in multicolor graffiti and about ten guys are posted up around it. 

"Corey!" One of them calls out as he sees us approach and they all turn to us. My brother's face lights up in a smile as he starts to walk faster. The one who called his name comes over to meet us and the two hug before the stranger turns to me. "Who's this?" He asks with a raised brow. His hair is dreaded and long, almost longer than my own. 

"This is my sister, Alexis." 

"I'm James." He holds out a heavily tattooed arm and I use my free hand to shake his. "Everyone calls me Munky." 

"Nice to meet you." I smile, but his gaze doesn't linger on my face. It moves down to my legs where my shorts ride high on my lightly tanned thighs. That gets Corey's attention and he uses the back of his hand to swat Munky in the chest. 

"Come on, come meet the rest of the guys." The dreaded guy says to me while reaching to take the guitar case from my grip.

"You should've worn jeans." Corey mumbles with an eye roll as we carry on. 

"It's hotter than hell itself out here." I complain, but I feel much better now that I don't have the Gibson weighing me down. The group has turned their attention our way and as we reach the picnic table, they all take turns introducing themselves. Their names and nicknames fly past me so fast I have a hard time catching them, but I know Corey will fill me in on what I missed later. 

"How was the drive down?" One speaks as he leans against the wall. He's tall, much taller than me or my brother and there's a dark aura surrounding him. It's the kind of thing you can feel instead of see. The way he looks up from a pair of dark, hooded eyes, his stance, all of it. A pair of baggy black jeans and an oversized band tee with the logo of some obscure group I've never heard of scrawled across the front catch my eyes. His hair is long, like the rest of them, partially dreaded and messy. 

"Long, man. It's good to be here finally." Corey speaks from beside me as he tosses his duffels down and digs in his jeans pocket for a pack of Marlboro Reds. I nudge his shoulder with my own and like a reflex he holds the pack out for me to take one. I pop it between my lips, but my eyes linger on the the black clothed stranger. 

"Munky didn't believe you were really coming." I light the stick and blow out the smoke as he speaks to my brother. He's the only one who didn't introduce himself, like I'm suppose to know who he is already. 

"I said I was, didnt't I?" Corey defends himself as the first guy I met chuckles. 

"Yeah, you said you were, but it takes some balls to leave home and move to Long Beach with a bunch of misfits like us." Munky teases as he shoves the shoulder of one of his comrades who shoves him right back, almost knocking him off his feet. "Buncha rowdy metal heads."

"Do you all live here?" I speak up while taking another drag. 

"Nah, just me and Jonathan." Munky points at the man who's caught my attention. "These punks just like to hang around." I nod. My gaze is pulled away by the sight of a raven haired woman standing from the opposite side of the picnic table. She's the only other girl here and I'm surprised I didn't notice her before. 

"Corey, you mind if I take your sister upstairs? I'm sure you boys have some catching up to do." She tosses her own cigarette down as she approaches. "I'm Mikayla." She says to me with a warm smile. 

She's edgy, that's for certain. The black tights on her legs are ripped to shreds, over them is a pair of high waisted denim shorts that are cut so short if she bent over you'd see her ass. Her top half is covered by a button down flannel about three sizes too big hanging off one shoulder and tied at the bottom hem to expose a thin strip of skin of her stomach. Black combat boots with chains clipped on them make a jingly sound with every step she takes. 

"Yeah," he tells her. "Stay upstairs until I come up." He leans down and mumbles in my ear as his gaze flickers over to the group of rowdy men who are acting like idiots as they jam to the tunes blasting from the stereo. "Don't go wandering off." 

"Of course." I reassure him with a squeeze to his arm while tossing the cigarette to the ground before turning to Mikayla. She nods her head for me to follow and I do. The stairway is open, but shaded and it's a nice relief to be out of the sun. 

"Your brother is cute." Mikayla throws a mischievous look back my way as we make our way up the stairs. 

"I guess you could say that." That causes her grin to widen. 

"I saw you eyeing Jonathan." I can feel heat creeping up my neck to my cheeks, completely unrelated to the weather. 

"I was just getting a feel for everyone." I try to play it off, but it's obvious she doesn't believe it. We come to the third landing and make our way down a long hallway to apartment thirty-eight. 

"Which one is Fieldy?" She asks while turning the doorknob and stepping in. 

"I have no idea." 

"See, you knew exactly who I was talking about." She teases. 

The apartment is a mess. That's the only way to describe it. It's hard for me to imagine my brother living here as I eye all of the empty take out containers and beer bottles littering every available surface. Among the chaos are instruments. Guitars, a keyboard, amps and speakers. 

"It's a wreck, right?" Mikayla asks as she steps to the refrigerator and pulls out two bottles of Heineken. She passes one to me before twisting off the top of hers and taking a long pull. "I try to clean, but it's like they follow around behind me and make another mess." She shrugs. 

"Are you dating one of them?" I pop the top on my own and take a sip. Beer has never really been my thing, I would rather drink tequila, but I don't want to offend her. 

"Nah, Fieldy is my brother." 

"Oh, you two look nothing alike. I wouldn't have guessed." 

"Step siblings, but he's been in my life since I was like five, so we might as well be blood." Mikayla moves over and lifts herself to sit on the counter and I take it upon myself to slide into one of the rickety looking barstools across from her. 

"Corey said their band was big in California. I expected a little different living conditions." I joke with a laugh and Mikayla does the same. Her eyes sparkle when she laughs. 

"They've got a pretty solid fan base here, but they aren't signed yet. That's where the real money comes from." She takes another sip and eyes me. "Corey has friends here?" 

"Yeah, a few. Some guys he use to play with in high school came down and started a band, but it didn't go anywhere. Somewhere along the line, those friends met your friends and Corey got invited to come live down here." 

"I'm sure it will be a lot easier for him to get noticed in California. You guys are from Iowa, right? I can't imagine metal is the music of choice over there." 

"It's definitely not." I start to think about how my brother is moving on from me. In three days I have to go back home and he'll be here starting a new chapter in his life. It's always been the two of us against the world and I'm not so sure how to fly solo. 

Mikayla and I chat back and forth for a while until we are interrupted by the sound of feet coming down the hall. The door swings open to reveal my brother and Mikayla's, along with Jonathan and Munky.

"You two getting along?" Corey asks as he comes to stand beside me. He takes the mostly full beer from my hands and drinks half of it in one go. 

"Your sister is great, Taylor. It's a shame she isn't staying." Mikayla eyes my brother up and down, those crystalline blue eyes of hers shimmering. "It'd be nice to have another female around here."

"She's got school to go back to." Corey turns to look at me and there's a serious expression there. Corey didn't go to college, so he decided for me that it was the way I should go. 

"What are you going for?" Munky asks while slipping into the chair beside me. 

"Journalism, I think." I shrug my shoulders. "I don't really know, yet." I feel a pair of eyes on me, a prickle at the back of my neck, and when I shift in my seat to look around Corey, the one they call Jonathan is sitting on the couch across the room. His brown colored gaze is locked on me, yet he's barely acknowledged my presence. 

"Fucking paparazzi." Fieldy jokes while shoving Corey in the shoulder on his way past to the refrigerator. "Wannabe rockstars baby sis is going to be the one hounding him at the venue gates one day." 

"Or I could just hound you." I deadpan as my eyes narrow while I run my tongue over my bottom lip. 

"Ohhh, feisty, I like it." Fieldy turns and smirks once he's retrieved a beer of his own. 

"We have to head out soon." Jonathan speaks up and everyone turns their attention to him. "Sound check is in an hour."

"Nothing like a gig for the welcome party." Corey grins. He lives for this kind of thing. I know he'll be happy here.

"You've never rocked with us. You're in for a treat." Munky leans closer to me as he speaks. 

"I'm looking forward to it. Is it cool if I take a quick shower?" I look to Munky, then to Corey, not entirely sure who I'm suppose to be asking. 

"Yeah, I'll show you." The response doesn't come from either, instead Jonathan says the words. 

"Thanks." I glance at him over my shoulder while standing. Corey heads for the door where he had dropped the two duffels and comes back with one in hand. 

"Here." Corey places the strap on my shoulder before turning back to his friends, leaving me to slip past where Jonathan stands at the entrance to the hallway. He's quiet as we pass by two doors and the smell of his cologne intermixed with cigarette smoke drifts back through my nose. 

"Calvin Klein?" I ask as he comes to a stop at the door at the end of the hall. He turns to look at me with a raised brow and I notice for the first time the little silver hoop through it. 

"What?" Once again that broody gaze only sees me. 

"Your cologne. I use to work at a department store after school a few years ago. It's a scent I'll never forget." His head nods up and down as I try to move past him into the bathroom, but he steps into my path. He's tall, much taller up close and I have to tip my head back to see his face at this close proximity. "Excuse me." 

Instead of moving out of my way, his gaze travels down my body and back up. Those eyes eat up every inch of exposed skin in the jean shorts and cutoff t-shirt I'd stolen from Corey and made my own. It features a sixties Corvette Stingray on the front. 

"You're fucking trouble." He mumbles, almost as if he didn't want me to hear, but I do. My stomach turns with excited butterflies as his hand reaches up. He brushes a thumb over my bottom lip and in a bold move I slip my tongue out and run it over the pad. I watch as tension creeps up through his arms. 

"We'll be late if you don't move." The corners of my lips twitch as he comes back down to reality and snaps his hand back down to his side. Would people use the word 'promiscuous' to describe me? No, they wouldn't, but do I know how to use my looks to my advantage? Of course. Do I find the man in front of me incredibly attractive, mysterious, and possibly dangerous? Also yes.

___

The club is bigger than I imagined. I pictured a small stage in the center of a basement that would hold about a hundred people. Instead, I'm pleased to see there's an actual stage with sound equipment, a bottom level, and two rows of balcony boxes up above. A massive wooden bar runs the length of the place and it's already busy with women dressed in as little as possible and men working hard to get their attention.

I'd tried to get away with more denim shorts, but Corey had ruined the fun before I could even make it back down the hallway. He said he wanted to have fun tonight without having to worry about what I was getting into, so I had switched into my favorite torn up boyfriend jeans instead and refused to change out of the black band tee I had cut off just under the bust. It's long sleeve and shows a decent amount of stomach where I had taken scissors to it. 

The dark maroon lipstick on my lips feels tacky as I take a long pull from the plastic cup containing tequila and pineapple juice, my favorite. All around me, there's an excited buzz as people wait for the opening act to come onstage. I had wandered away from the group, wanting to get a feel for the Long Beach scene without someone, my brother, tugging on my arm every step of the way. So, I had slipped out of his grip before he could stop me. 

"Whiskey sour." A familiar voice calls out from a little further down and I peek around the stranger beside me to see Jonathan. He notices me here, I can tell by the way his eyes move like he's checking in his peripherals. I don't try to hide my gaze. I turn on the barstool so I'm facing him and that gets his attention. "You've got a booth over there full of people you know, yet you're here by yourself." He points out while stepping around the man seated between us. 

"I'm a loner in that way, I guess." I shrug while placing the straw between my lips and taking a long pull. He watches me do it, his eyes locked on the pout of my mouth. 

"Corey's okay with that? His baby sister drinking all alone at the bar surrounded by horny dudes?" 

"Corey has eyes like a hawk. Ears, too. If I need him, he'll be here." I shrug. My knees almost touch his he's so close, but I don't mind. I can feel his body heat and smell the Calvin Klein cologne. I'm not sure what it is about him that's drawing me in, but it's working. We've barely spoken and yet he can't keep his eyes off me and neither can I. 

"Quit doing that." Jonathan snaps out as he watches me take another sip. This time he reaches over and snatches the straw from my cup. My mouth opens in surprise as he pops the end I had just been sucking on into his mouth. "Tequila, huh?"

"That's mine." I reach for it but he's faster. The bartender passes him his whiskey sour and he places my straw in it before taking a drink. 

"Mine now." He taunts with a smirk. Defeated, I stand from the barstool, making sure to brush the front of my body against his as I slide past and I can feel a shiver ripple through him as I do so. 

"I think I'll go sit with everyone else." I turn to head in that direction, but I'm stopped by a hand on my wrist. Corey has his back to me while Mikayla keeps him entertained. She talks with her hands, it's cute, her eyes bright. 

"Wait." Jonathan drags me back and forces me between his body and the wooden bar top. I can feel my pulse quicken, my stomach flutter with excitement as he places a hand on either side of me, his whiskey glass forgotten on the bar. My tequila and pineapple is pressed against his chest as I hold it with two hands.

"Yes?" I play it cool as I raise an eyebrow and lean closer, showing him I'm not affected by his bold actions, even though my body very much is. His gaze takes over my lips, slow and tantalizing before traveling up to lock with mine. 

"You're a fucking distraction. Corey shouldn't have brought you here." The words come out low, threatening almost. I can feel them rumble out of his chest. "Those big, innocent 'fuck me daddy' eyes." He almost sounds angry, but he keeps quiet so as to not draw attention. 

"Do you want to fuck me, daddy?" I whisper while leaning in and ghosting my lips across the corner of his mouth. His arms stiffen and his chest expands with a breath before pulling himself back. Those eyes, black as the soul they are. 

"Hey, what's up?" A voice interrupts us and I look over Jonathan's shoulder to see Munky with a lopsided smirk. "They need us backstage." Munky places his hands on Jonathan's shoulders, but Jonathan's eyes don't move, and I take the distraction as an opportunity to slide past and this time he doesn't try to stop me. 

"Good luck!" I call out over my shoulder and flash the two of them a wink as I head off towards the booth. 

"Where you been?" Corey asks as he slides over to make room for me. 

"Talking to Jonathan at the bar. He's very interesting." That comment gets Mikayla to turn to me and she grins. 

"Isn't he?" She raises a brow while taking a sip of her beer. 

"Very." It's as if she knows exactly what I mean while Corey is oblivious which is for the best. 

"They're on in after the first set, I think. You guys want to move?" Mikayla asks before drinking down the rest of her beer. 

"You guys go ahead, I'm going to step out and use the pay phone." My brother tells me while patting my leg to hint for me to move out of the booth. 

"What, you'll miss the show." My lips turn down in a frown. 

"I'll be back, I promise. I'm just going to call Joey and let him know we're here." 

"Fine." I stand and he slips out of the booth leaving me alone with Mikayla. 

"Come on, let's go get a good spot." She takes my hand in hers and we make our way down a set of five steps where there's a crowd of people waiting on the music to start. People like me, people like my brother. Misunderstood, angry, loud, rowdy metal heads as Munky had called themselves earlier. Mikayla leads the way as we find a place near the front as the opening band walks out on stage. The lights dim and the people begin to cheer as they strike up a few notes to get them going. 

Twenty minutes later, the first opening act exits the stage and I've never felt like I belong so much in my life. Corey had made his way back, but only to tell me he was going to stay at the booth and wait for Joey and Paul, his friends from Iowa. 

I had been told that Korn was the second opening act which earned them a longer set and quite a few people in the crowd are wearing merch with their logo across the front. It's cool to see. I know nothing about them, just that Corey called them something like Nu Metal and that they were going somewhere. That's why my brother had to leave me. His dream was to make music, to make people feel something, and he couldn't do it in Iowa. 

Five of the guys I met outside the Grand Terrace Apartments make their way onstage and I feel another bolt of excitement as I watch Jonathan make his way to the microphone stand. From here, he looks god-like, all six feet of him as he scans the faces in the crowd like he's looking out as his congregation. This band might not be big nationwide yet, but just by the way they carry themselves, they will be. Even if by sheer persistence alone and I haven't even heard their music. 

Over the course of the next half hour, my mind is blown to bits as I take in the power of their music. The angry, raw tone of it all, the darkness. It's incredible, like nothing I've ever heard before, and when the lights of the club turned down and Mikayla started screaming, I felt myself melting into the scene around me. I'm sure Jonathan couldn't see me from his place up there, but my eyes never left him.

The bar is buzzing with excitement after the incredible performance put on by Jonathan's band and by the time the main act came on, it was mass chaos in the crowd. Mikayla and I barely made it out in tact, but by her flushed cheeks and smile, I know she's having the time of her life. I wonder if this is just a normal Saturday night for her. We don't have stuff like this where I'm from, not on this scale and it has me feeling jealous. I don't know much about her, but I'm jealous of what I've seen of her life. 

"I don't know about you, but I'm dying for a cigarette." Mikayla tells me as we make our way over to the booth where Corey is sitting with his friends from back home. 

"Me too, girl." I agree. Joey and Paul both stand and offer me a quick hug in greeting. "Hey, guys." I mumble as Joey releases me from his arms. "You going to take care of my brother when I'm not here?" I ask the two of them with a raised brow while crossing my arms over my chest. That earns a chuckle from the three. 

"I think we should be asking who's going to keep you out of trouble back home with Corey gone." I smile, but it doesn't reach my eyes as the fun is sucked out of me. I look at Corey and he's obvious as Mikayla drags his attention to her once more. I haven't even headed home yet and I miss my brother, already. 

"I'm going to go find the restroom." I call out while slipping past Joey and Paul. I cross the length of the bar in no time, but just as I go to reach the neon signs indicating where the restrooms are, I feel a grip on my wrist from behind. I'm drug back into a sweaty chest and my first instinct is to lash out. My fist connects with a bony jaw, and when I turn my head I see Jonathan holding a hand to his chin. 

"Fuck." He mumbles while rubbing the spot. 

"Jesus, I'm sorry." I apologize while reaching up to pull his hand away so I can get a better look. Luckily, with the height difference the force hadn't been as strong as it could've been. "You'll live." I tease. 

"If that's how you hit with your left hand, I would hate to see what the right can do." Jonathan continues to rub the spot, but there's a playful smirk on his face now. 

"Great show, it was pretty cool." I change the subject. 

"Thanks." We stand there for a long, silent moment as the world continues moving at full speed around us. Chatter, heavy rock music, screaming guitars, the sound of laughter. None of that registers, just the deafening presence of the man in front of me fills my head. 

Without saying a word, Jonathan steps forward while slipping an arm around my waist to rest a flat palm on the small of my back. He drags me closer so our chests are flush before using his free hand to take my face and it's like everything stops when he presses his mouth to mine. 

A groan leaves his chest, like he's been dying to do this and it's a relief to finally have it. The hand on my face moves to lace through my hair and his grip is tight, almost painful as he yanks my head back, disconnecting our lips as he stares down at me with that look that makes my body heat ten degrees. I hadn't noticed the heavy, silver rings on his fingers until now, but they dig into my scalp and cause a delicious kind of pain. 

Jonathan pushes me backwards, all while holding on tight enough to make me cry out in pain, but I don't. The hallway where the bathrooms are is quieter and there's less foot traffic, but it's as if he couldn't care less who's watching as he slams my back into the wall while using his foot to kick mine apart so he can slip his knee between my legs. That simple movement causes the place between my legs to ache and I try to reconnect our lips, but he's not having it. He holds us just an inch apart, my hair wound around his fingers and straining against my scalp. I feel like I'll have bruises there tomorrow, but I don't care because this feels so fucking good. 

My teeth suck my bottom lip between my teeth as Jonathan watches me, almost like he's having an internal conversation within himself, like he's struggling with a heavy decision. The leg of his between mine raises and makes contact with the center of me and a short breath leaves my chest. My fingers wind their way into the material of his shirt and it seems he likes that as he closes the gap to kiss me. I move my lips against his in a fervent kind of way, but it's hard when he won't let me move my head. His teeth nip out at my lip and a cry escapes my throat. When he pulls back, theres a grin on his face. 

Before I can comprehend what's happening, he releases his hold, on my hair and my back, and steps away. His thumb reaches up to brush over his own bottom lip and those fucking eyes give me butterflies, hostile and extremely turned on butterflies. It takes a second for me to catch my breath. 

"Come on." He holds his heavily ring-adorned hand out for me to take. I want to resist, prove to him he doesn't affect me the way we both know he does, but it's clear just by the rise and falls of his own chest that I do the same to him. So, I slip my fingers through his and the cool metal of the rings feels almost erotic against the skin of my hands. I wonder what they'd feel like on my thighs, wrapped around my neck, my breasts. 

By the time we make it back over to the group, the table is filled with bottles and cups full of who knows what. The guys are laughing and having a great time which fills my heart. I love seeing my brother smile. Jonathan releases my hand as we approach and I slide in beside my brother as he slings an arm over my shoulder. 

It's going to be hard to leave this place full of excitement and questionable choices. As I look up at Jonathan who's taking a shot of dark colored liquid with Fieldy, I realize just how much Long Beach has grown on me in the few hours I've been here.


	2. ADIDAS

Drunk, hammered, inebriated, whatever you want to call it, that's what I am. It hadn't been difficult, trying to keep up with men twice your size will make it so, but I couldn't stop. I was having the time of my life, more fun than I ever had back home. That is, until I wake from a coma-like dreamless sleep with chills and a violently turning stomach. Sleep, I don't even know if you can call it that. The last thing I remember was stumbling out of the club with one arm thrown over Corey's shoulder as he all but drug me along the sidewalk. 

I stare up at the popcorn ceiling from the couch, the world spinning. As if on autopilot, I swing my legs over to rest on the floor of the living room but they aren't ready to hold my weight and I come crashing down on a body. My eyes barely register my brother passed out on the floor and he startles, but doesn't wake. I clamber to my feet and make my way down the hall, using the wall for support as everything around me warps and spins. 

The contents of my stomach begin to force their way out and I make it to the toilet in the knick of time before vomiting up putrid liquid. By the time it's over, my body is shaking and I rest my head in the palm of my hand, praying to god I come down from this drunken stupor. At this point, I would do anything to be sober. 

A cool hand presses to the back of my neck and I don't even have the energy to question who it is as they wind my long hair around their hand to pull it out of my face. Cool hands and the feel of metal. Jonathan's hands, his rings, that's who is kneeling behind me. 

"Stick your finger down your throat." His voice is low and hard to focus on as the world continues to spin. "Get it all out or you'll be in here all night." I want to ignore him, the thought of forcing myself to puke sounds like hell, but I know he's right. This isn't the first time I've been on the bathroom floor after a night out, so I do as he says and spend the next few minutes retching into the bowl. I can't even feel embarrassed, I just want relief. 

When I feel like my entire body is empty, I slump back to rest against his warm body while using his knees to keep my own balance. The lack of alcohol in my stomach helps me focus, and after a few minutes of laying here like a corpse, I feel like I have some control over my body again. Jonathan shifts behind me and he places his hands under my arms to haul me to my feet. 

Instead of taking me back to the couch, he makes a right turn and heads into one of the bedrooms. He helps me sit on the edge of the queen sized bed with black linens and mismatched blankets, but nothing has ever looked more comfortable. A fan in the corner of the room blows cool air in our direction and I take a deep inhale as he disappears out of the room. I lay down to rest my head on one of the pillows and the smell of Calvin Klein cologne fills my nostrils. I'm afraid for a moment it will make me nauseas, but it has the opposite effect. It's comforting. 

The door opens and Jonathan steps back in holding a loaf of bread and a sleeve of Ritz crackers along with a bottle of water. He sits beside me on the edge of the bed and cracks open the water bottle before passing it to me. 

"Here, small sips." He mumbles. 

"Thank you." My voice sounds cracked and small. I do as he says while sitting up enough to keep from spilling it all over myself as he takes a few crackers out of the package and hands them to me. "You don't have to take care of me." I whisper before taking a bite. 

"Just eat it." He motions towards the cracker in my hand. I'm still drunk, but my stomach has begun to settle and the world isn't moving so fast anymore. I scoot back and rest against the headboard and watch him as he eats a cracker of his own. We sit like that in a comfortable silence for quite some time, sharing the sober-up-quick meal without any need for conversation. 

Only after we've eaten half the sleeve between the two of us does Jonathan stand and leave the room again without explanation. This time, he comes back with my duffel bag over his shoulder and I raise a brow as I look at him through hooded, sleepy eyes. 

"My bathroom is a lot cleaner than the one out there." He points back to the hallway before motioning towards a door I hadn't noticed until now. "You can take a shower if you want, you'll feel better." I think that over for a minute. I feel grimy and every inch of my skin and clothes smells like cigarettes. 

While sitting up on my knees, I drag the duffel over and sift through it before landing on another graphic tee and a pair of sleep shorts. Jonathan watches me as I search, I can feel his stare on me, but I'm in no condition to acknowledge it. Without a word, I slide off the bed with my clothes and toothbrush in hand before opening the door that leads to his personal bathroom. He was right, it's much cleaner and that surprises me. I can't picture him doing chores, but here's proof that he cares about his living conditions unlike his roommate, it seems. 

The spray of the shower is hot and it burns my skin. I relish the feel as it pulls me further out of the drunken stupor. I do a quick wash of my hair before settling into the tub floor and letting the spray wash over me. Hot showers, that's always been my trick to sobering up and I know the longer I stay in here the better I'll feel. 

Finally, I manage to drag myself out and dry off with a towel I can only assume belongs to Jonathan, but there hadn't been another option. I dress quickly, the skin of my legs still damp, before brushing my teeth and making my way out into the bedroom, my wet hair hanging down my back. Jonathan sits on the bed still with the television on his dresser turned on with the volume low, some after hours MTV special flashing across the screen. 

"Thanks, for letting me use your shower." He doesn't say anything as his head turns so he can look at me. Without makeup and a well thought out outfit, my confidence is a little shaken and I feel exposed under that stare. Jonathan stands and comes over, his movements slow and precise. I wonder if he drank as much as the rest of them, he doesn't seem all that drunk, but I guess even I've come down a few notches after carbs, water, and a hot shower. I'm in control of myself now, my brain less chaotic. 

"You're welcome." His hand reaches to brush a finger over my bottom lip much like he did the first time we crossed paths before the show. 

Even though I've felt better, something about his skin on mine sends a jolt of electricity through my body. From my lip his finger traces over my cheek, behind my ear, where his flat palm resumes its course to lace through my wet locks at the base of my neck, much like at the club. My eyes close at the feel and goosebumps ripple over my skin as I remember how it felt to be wrapped up in him. He notices and tips his head down to brush his lips over the skin below my earlobe.

"Your skin is so fucking soft." He breathes out in a whisper as his lips move up over my jaw to my cheek and finally lock onto my own. It all feels so good, my eyes close and I wind my arms around his neck. 

The kiss is hot and frenzied, our mouths molding together like they were meant for this and I feel like I could dissolve into nothing. Hooking up with strangers has never been my thing, but then again no stranger has felt this good against me. I want more. The burning kiss isn't enough. My hands run down his front to slip up underneath the material, giving me access to his skin and the moment that happens, he's backing me towards the bed. I sit on the edge, using one hand to pull him down by the back of the neck so we don't lose contact. 

Jonathan's hands rest on my thighs and they squeeze, almost painfully so as he slips his knee between my legs once again. My heart rate quickens as his mouth moves over mine, his tongue dipping past my lips to tangle with mine, taking everything I have to give right out of me. I pull back and rest my forehead against his chest as he stands in front of me, my fingers fumbling with the button of the denim covering his bottom half. He sucks in a breath as he realizes where this is going, where I want this to go.

"I'm not going to treat you like a fragile doll the way your brother does." Jonathan growls out as I finally get his jeans undone. He leans in to me before snatching me up by the jaw to force my head up. It's rough, almost aggressive, and it makes my core clench. 

"I don't want to treated like I'm fragile." A smirk forms on my lips and that causes him to groan. Before I can say another word, he grabs me by the waist and forces me back further on the bed. I land on my back with a laugh and that causes him to grin even harder, like he knows I can take whatever he can give. His rough hands run up the naked skin of my legs before hooking into the edge of the sleep shorts. The motion causes my skin to burst into flames as he takes his sweet time. My legs shift and bend as he finally slips them over my ankles and within a second he's over me, our bodies flush as his lips crash down over mine. I hadn't bothered with panties after the shower, but now I give myself a mental pat on the back for eliminating a step. 

Jonathan's hands take my wrists in his while pressing them flat into the mattress over my head as he uses his knee to get between my legs. The movements have bruising force and something deep inside me thrives on it. I can feel him hard as a rock against my core and that causes me to press up, which earns a deliciously low moan to leave his throat. 

"Don't move your hands." Jonathan mumbles against my lips as he releases them and sits back on his knees so he can look me over. One of his palms slides up my stomach to push my shirt up and over my chest, further restricting my mobility, so it rests around my neck. 

With all of me exposed to him, his eyes darken further as his first finger trails from the base of my throat, down between my breasts, over my bellybutton and lower. I try to obey, but his touch isn't quite where I want it, so I move one hand, but all that does is earn me a flat palmed slap to my outer thigh where he digs his fingers into the flesh of my ass. It stings enough to make me yelp and I'm certain there will be a red handprint there tomorrow.

"Put it back." Jonathan commands and I shift under him, needing something, anything and I feel like my heart might just burst out of my chest. I try to close my legs, hoping the friction of them together will ease some of the tension, but Jonathan just takes me by the knees and spreads them open once more.

In a bold move that takes me by surprise, he places a flat palm over my core, the heel of his hand putting pressure on my sensitive clit as his middle finger circles my entrance. My hands twitch over my head, hating the fact that I can't reach out and touch him. He seems to notice and satisfaction spreads over his features as he slips his finger further inside. My hips move, wanting to grind against his hand to take his finger deeper, but that gets me another slap in the same spot as the last. This one stings enough that my mouth falls open as he buries the digit inside me to the knuckle before adding a second. 

The slapping hand runs flat all the way up until it reaches my chest where he takes a nipple between his first two fingers and squeezes while his other hand pumps his fingers inside me, slow at first and then faster causing me to fold my hands into fists. I bite my bottom lip, wanting to cry out, but knowing the apartment is full of sleeping people. His mouth lands hot and wet around the other neglected nipple as his teeth and lips assault the sensitive flesh. I can feel myself dripping around his fingers, but I want more. Always more. 

My breaths come in short pants as a tight ball of pleasure forms in the pit of my stomach. With eyes clenched, I lick over my dry lips and wrap one leg around his waist, dragging him closer. 

"How much can you take?" The words vibrate against my chest as I feel him add a third finger, stretching me wider but it all feels so fucking good. When a moan of approval falls from my mouth, his teeth dig in to the flesh of my breast, marking me, leaving teeth indentions all around the pink skin of my nipple. It hurts but I love it. 

"More." I moan as the hand between my legs slows and stills until he pulls it back entirely. Before I can even open my eyes, he's pulled his boxers down and brushed the head of his cock along my folds. My arms come off the bed at the jolt of pleasure that simple motion causes. Jonathan grips me around the throat, the look on his face dark enough to send a shiver of fear down my spine. His other loops under my knee to drag my leg up onto his shoulder as he presses against my entrance. 

"Is this what you want?" He mumbles as he slips in an inch. My head nods up and down, no words able to be spoken with his firm grip around my neck. I'm reminded of the club and how I wondered what it would feel like to have him just like this, the metal of his fingers pinching my skin, making me so wet for him. It's better than anything my imagination could've come up with. 

As he pushes inside further, my mind splinters into a thousand pieces. It seems his has too, as a slur of curses leave his mouth as he manages to bury himself fully with a long shaky exhale. The grip on my throat tightens enough to constrict my airways and the ball of pleasure in my abdomen only blooms bigger. 

Prickles of black crowd my vision as Jonathan pulls out fully before plunging back in. I try to gasp for a breath, but none comes until I feel like I can't take it another second. The slow, precise thrusts push me closer to the edge and just when I think I'm going to lose it, my mind and consciousness, he lets go. The orgasm rocks through me hard enough to form tears and as they leak down the side of my face, I gasp for air. The sheets above my head tangle in my fists as I writhe under him and that only encourages Jonathan to move faster. He leans down to press his mouth to mine, his weight supported by his hands on the mattress on either side of my head. 

"Put your arms around me." Without having to be told twice, I loop my arms around his neck as he lowers himself so we are chest to chest. The thrusts that follow are deep and hard, enough to cause my breaths to leave my chest in sharp pants that match his pace. There's no race to the finish line with Jonathan, he takes his time and draws it out as long as he possibly can. He buries his face in my neck and I can feel his hot breath on my skin as sweat forms all along our intertwined limbs. Even with the fan blowing from the corner, it feels like an inferno with him over me. My fingers lace through his long black hair as I hold him against me and he fucks me senseless. 

When he cums after what feels like an hour, he doesn't move for a long time. The two of us work hard to catch our breath as I stare up at the ceiling and he keeps his face buried in the crook of my neck and shoulder. The alcohol is still present in my system, I can feel it heavy inside me now that I've come down from the high of an intense orgasm, but not one ounce of me regrets the man still firmly between my legs. 

After a few minutes of heavy breathing and silence, where I find myself running my fingertips along the naked skin of his back, Jonathan finally sits up and moves off to sit on the edge of the bed. I watch as he drags his boxers back on before reaching for a shirt. I realize it's probably time for me to make my way back to the couch, so I slide off the bed while situating my own shirt once more. Fatigue weighs me down and I know once I close my eyes, I'll be out like a light. Jonathan tosses me the sleep shorts he'd pulled off and once I've got those on, I head for the door, not sure what you say to someone after all that, so I decide on silence. 

"Where are you going?" Jonathan asks as he situates the blankets so he can lay down under them. 

"Couch, I should get some sleep." I throw him a shy smile over my shoulder, but he shakes his head and motions towards the other side of his bed. 

"The couch sucks, you won't sleep for shit out there. I can share." He mumbles while laying back on the pillow and staring at me. 

"You sure?" It's rare a man can render me speechless or make me feel like the subordinate in any situation, but right now that's exactly how I'm feeling. I'm use to having the upper hand so this is foreign to me. Jonathan doesn't answer with words, he just holds up the blanket and motions towards the other side. As I move to do as he says, he leans to switch off the lamp on the end table next to him. 

"Night." He mumbles as I climb in and wrap myself up in the cool sheets. 

"Goodnight."

___

The boardwalk is packed with people the next afternoon. Women in scanty little bikinis are everywhere along with buff guys in swim trunks. We look like eyesores in the sea of neons and floral patterns as most of us are dressed in black. Everyone is hungover, that's obvious by the lack of smiles or joking conversation. In fact, there hadn't been much conversation at all since we found this spot to eat some lunch. 

"Fucking headache just won't go away." Corey groans from beside me as he picks at the pizza slice. I push my sunglasses up higher on my nose and thank god they're mirrored fronts. The opaque barrier has allowed me to eye Jonathan the entire time we've been here without anyone else noticing. 

"Hair of the dog." I mumble to him while pulling a flask full of Jose Cuervo out of my purse and passing it his way. 

"Tequila?" He questions while making a face. My brother would rather drink just about anything else. 

"Sorry, it's all I had." I shrug, but he accepts it anyway. 

"You seem less miserable than I expected you to this morning." Mikayla speaks to me from across the table as she munches on some cheese fries. "You were wrecked when we left the club."

"I spent an hour on the bathroom floor after we got back. Took a shower and now I feel right as rain." The comment gets a look from Jonathan and I don't miss the smirk he throws my way as he takes a drink of whatever is inside the plastic cup he's holding. An orange smoothie, maybe. 

After sleeping in until almost two in the afternoon, I'd snuck out of Jonathan's room and resumed my spot on the couch. As far as I know, Corey has no suspicions and hasn't said anything to convince me otherwise. Not that I would care what he thought, regardless. Hmmm brother may be my keeper, but he doesn't make my choices for me. 

"How was sleeping on the couch?" Jonathan asks and the way the corners of his mouth twitch makes me want to laugh, to blow our cover, but I keep a straight face. "I've done it once or twice myself and it about throws my back out every time." 

"Oh, I feel great. Best sleep I've gotten in a long time." His grin spreads as he nods before turning back to Fieldy on his left.

"Hell, maybe I'll make you sleep on the floor tonight." Corey teases with a nudge of his shoulder. "I've got to go buy a bed so I can set up my shit in the spare room."

"We could go today?" I suggest all while my gaze flickers over to Jonathan every now and then. I can't get the thoughts of our early morning activities out of my head. They make my body heat a few degrees and my mind fade to somewhere else far away. "I could help."

"I know this place just a couple miles from here. Second hand stuff, but it's cheap." Mikayla offers. 

"Yeah, we could do that."

"I'm going to go get a slice of pizza." I tell Corey and Mikayla as my stomach begins to growl. I hadn't eaten a thing since the crackers Jonathan and I shared. The two fall into light conversation as I make my way around the corner where the little Italian man has his food cart. 

"Hey, wait up!" I hear a familiar voice behind me just as I'm out of sight of the group. I turn to see Jonathan jogging to catch up with me and as soon as he's within arms reach he takes my upper arm in his grasp and pushes me against the nearest brick wall of one of the many shops. He crowds me, pushing against me so the rough brick bites into the skin of my back through my shirt. Before I can say a word his lips are on mine. His teeth nip at my bottom lip before he pulls back, his face covered in a grin. 

"Did you want pizza, too?" I tease. 

"Pizza isn't really what I had in mind." Jonathan has no concerns of the passerby's around us as his hands wander down to grip the swell of my ass. "Go back to the apartment, say you don't feel good and want to lay down. I'll walk you back." I think the offer over as he presses his hips into mine. I can feel him through the denim, hard and wanting. 

"But I want pizza." I pout. 

"I want your sweet pussy." His voice drops low and the words send a tremble through my body as he squeezes harder. "I can't stop thinking about it."

"Later." I whisper against his lips before I attempt to slide out from the cage of his arms. 

All that move earns me is a hand around my throat forcing me back into place, my head against the wall. I stare up at him with wide eyes as he stares down at me with narrowed ones. He loves this, it's written all over him from the look in his eyes down to the way he forces that same knee between my legs. He likes having the control, being the one in charge. I don't get to walk away from him until he says so. 

Jonathan's gaze moves down to my lips to my neck where he brushes his thumb over a specific spot. A tender spot I had discovered when I looked in the mirror after waking up. Its a bruise shaped like the ring on his middle finger, the one he's wearing right now. I had hid it behind my hair and luckily no one had noticed, or at least they didn't mention it if they had. 

"My hand prints look good on you." Jonathan mutters as he continues to eye it. "Tell me how the one on your ass looks." My face flushes with heat, but I play it cool. 

"There isn't one." I smirk, knowing full well the left side of my ass has a red Jonathan shaped print on it as we speak. 

"Bullshit." The expression that flashes is one of slightly damaged pride and it makes me feel good, like the ball is back in my court. 

"There's nothing there." I bite my bottom lip. "Nothing." 

"I don't believe you." The darkness floats to the surface as he leans closer. "I want to see it." I use what strength I have and push him back so I can get out of his hold. This time he allows it. 

"Sorry." I shrug with a grin and take a few steps towards the pizza cart. "Maybe next time?" I tease and turn my back on him.

___

The next day comes and goes quicker than I would've liked. It was impossible to get any time alone with Jonathan as the apartment seemed to have a never ending revolving door of people in and out that needed attention. Most wanted Jonathan's and he gave it like he was king of the universe. They love him, admire him even. 

Even at night, the guys would head downstairs where they could smoke and be as loud as they wanted without neighbors banging on the walls to silence them. I spent the rest of the day with Mikayla, strolling the sidewalks and popping into different shops to collect what little souvenirs I could. Souvenirs that represented my very short time in Long Beach, but somehow I felt more myself here than I ever have at home. I had said my goodbyes to the crystalline eyed Mikayla an hour before when we parted ways as she headed off to work. 

As I stand in the living room, shoving all of my belongings back inside the duffel bag, I feel a sense of sadness wash over me. Today's the day I get in the car and leave my brother behind. School starts in just a few weeks and I have to get my head back in the game. I can't spend my nights drinking and hanging out in clubs. I have to get a degree, make it out of Iowa and do something with my life, like my brother. 

"Got everything?" Corey asks as he pops his head in from the hallway. He's standing with a towel around his waist and his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. There's another show tonight at the same club we went to Saturday, a smaller version. Sadly, I have to miss it. 

"Yeah, I didn't bring much." Corey steps over to his own bag and pulls out the car keys. 

"Here." He places them in my hand before pulling me into a hug. 

"You're naked." I groan against his shoulder and his chest vibrates in a chuckle. 

"Fuck, I'm going to miss you." He mumbles against the top of my head before releasing me. I stare at him, trying to memorize his face. I'm afraid of this next chapter in my life, of being without him for the first time ever, but I know he has big dreams and this is the place where those dreams will come true. Jonathan and his friends will help him, teach him all he needs to know. 

"You're going to be so busy you won't even know I'm gone." I try to smile, but I want to cry. 

"Don't do that." Corey mumbles while reaching up to brush his thumb over my lower lash line. We are interrupted by the sound of someone coming in the room, and I look over my brother's shoulder to see Jonathan. 

"We're heading out in thirty." The black haired singer tells Corey, but his eyes are on me. As much as I enjoyed the little time the two of us spent together, I can't bring myself to feel anything other than sadness. 

"Okay, let me get dressed and I'll walk her down." Corey motions to me before stepping back towards the hallway. 

"I can do it." Jonathan suggests, acting as nonchalant as possible. Corey looks from his raven haired friend and then back to me. 

"It's okay, you've got to get ready." I reassure him, but he comes back and wraps his arms around me again. I ignore the fact that he's standing in a towel and slip my arms around his waist, my cheek pressed against his shoulder. "I love you and I'm so proud of you." Corey presses a kiss to the top of my head. 

"Call me as soon as you get back." He takes me by the shoulders, the look in his eyes serous. "Don't stop anywhere sketchy, got it? Rich neighborhoods only." That was something we learned quick when we started out on our road trip. If we stopped in a wealthier community, Corey didn't have to worry about getting mugged while pumping gas. 

"I know." I whisper as I feel the tears burning at the backs of my eyes. 

"The money for gas and a room is under the passenger seat. There's enough for one night at a nicer hotel. No shady roadside motels."

"Corey, I know." I reiterate and he seems to understand that I listen when he tells me things. He'd made me promise all of this before we even left home. 

"Okay." He presses a kiss to my forehead before I pick up the duffel and throw the strap over my shoulder. 

"I've got it." Jonathan mumbles as he reaches out and takes it from me. Corey backs up and waits at the hallway for us to make our exit. I turn back once to give him a small wave, my chest feeling tight and heavy. When we are out of the apartment and halfway down the staircase, Jonathan opens his mouth to say something, but thinks twice and closes it. 

"You don't have to say anything." I force a smile. In all honesty, I'll miss him, too. Something about him is like a magnetic force that draws me to him, much like his friends. He's like the sun, but darker. Much darker. "It was nice hanging out with you guys for a fews days." I try to keep it simple, easy so we don't have to do any weird goodbyes between two people who hooked up once. 

"You can come back anytime." He gives me a side glance as we reach the bottom of the stairs and start the relatively long walk to the car. I remember how just two days ago Corey and I made this same trek. 

"Thanks." I keep my eyes focused on the sidewalk in front of us as we walk along in a weird kind of silence, neither of us really wanting to be the one to say what's really on our minds. 

"Listen, this is going to sound lame as hell and I can't believe it's even coming out of my mouth." A chuckle leaves Jonathan's chest. "But I want to see you again." I raise a brow. That's the last thing I expected him to say. 

"Yeah?" I stuff my hands into my back pockets as I eye him. 

"I mean, yeah." He shrugs. "Why wouldn't I?" I think that over for a moment. 

"We don't have to make this weird, okay? We hooked up and that's cool, but you don't have to say anything if you think you're like, making this easier. I'm good with it. I'm not going to be hurt."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" 

"Maybe." Jonathan stops walking and it takes me a minute to realize he's not right beside me. I turn to see him staring, his eyes raking me over from head to toe and it looks like there's an internal conflict going on inside him. 

"You hook up with all your brother's friends like that?" It seems we've gone from teasing to irritation and I'm a bit confused. I take a few steps back so we aren't so far apart. "You let them fuck you like their little slut, make you cum so good you cry, huh?" I look around with wide eyes, praying to god no one is listening as I reach up and press a hand over his mouth. 

"What the fuck?" I grit out through clenched teeth, but he steps back so he can speak again. 

"Answer me."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" My voice raises a few octaves and I feel angry. No one speaks to me that way. "As a matter of fact you pompous fucking asshole, I don't, but that's really none of your business, anyway." 

"It is my business." He snaps and it's my turn to step back in bewilderment. 

"You don't even know me." I snap while reaching for my duffel on his shoulder. "I can walk myself, thanks." I get a few steps, my body flushed with irritation, but I'm stopped by a hand on my wrist. I draw back my other hand, fully prepared to land a punch between his eyes, but that gets stopped by his opposite hand. 

"Been there, done that." He breathes into my ear as he drags me into his chest. "I know better now." 

"What do you want?" I ask through clenched teeth. At this point he's thoroughly pissed me off and I have nothing left to say. 

"You to come back here." His voice is calm now and I'm thrown for another loop. 

"What?" I furrow my brows.

"To see your brother, to see me, whatever the hell you want to call it." 

"You just insulted me in front of all of Long Beach and now you want me to make plans to come see you?" I try to rip my arms from his grasp, but like always, he holds on tight. "I'm not a slut, you dick." 

"You were for me." That smirk is back and my eyes narrow. If smoke could come out of my ears, it would be in this moment. "You fucking hate that you let me treat you like one. That I didn't, and wouldn't, treat you like the precious angel you've always been because deep down, what you really want is for someone to fight the demons in you, to tame the ones you can't show the world." I struggle against him, but he refuses to let go. "You bring mine out and it feels like fucking heaven itself when I'm inside you." 

"Let me go." I whisper, but my voice lacks any real authority. 

"Admit it." His hand runs over my body, touching any part of me he wishes and I don't try to stop him. My body shifts almost as if it has a mind of its own to be closer to him. "See, you want it now." Jonathan's hot breath ghosts over my ear. "You're thinking inside your head that you wish there could've been one more time. I know I do."

"Jonathan, let go." To my surprise, he does as I ask. "I'll see you around." I turn on my heel and head back towards the car feeling more confused than I ever have in my life. No one has ever gotten under my skin or affected me that way physically before. What I thought was just a simple one night thing has thoroughly messed with my mind and I can't deny that what he said was true. 

Every guy I've ever dated wouldn't dare fight me for power, they simply let me be the one in charge. For once, it felt fucking freeing to be at someone else's disposal. To let him treat me like his little slut, as Jonathan called it. As I sit in the drivers seat of the car with the air conditioning on full blast pointed at my face, I feel at a loss for words. 

So I put the car in gear and drive.


	3. Got the Life

**SIX MONTHS LATER  
DES MOINES, IA**

Jonathan Davis. 

Jonathan fucking Davis had become a household name over night, it seemed. One minute, no one knew who the Nu Metal Band Korn was, the next the logo was everywhere. I couldn't turn on the television without seeing a music video or an interview on TRL. It was like he was haunting me from a million miles away. It's painful watching someone achieve all of their dreams while you disappear inside yourself, while you accept that this is as good as it gets for you. 

I had tried to get my life together after returning from Long Beach, but it seemed no matter what I did, things kept falling apart. Classes were tough and I had to work when I wasn't in school to even afford it. I couldn't keep up and so my grades fell in the trash along with my mind. Who was I to think I could be different than my family, that I could make it out of the never ending cycle and be someone?

My phone rings from the kitchen as I sit on the living room floor of my shitty apartment, textbooks strewn out all around me and a groan leaves my chest. I had just gotten settled after an eight hour shift at the bar. I check the caller ID before answering. Long Beach. Awesome. 

"Hello?" 

_"Finally you answer the damn phone."_ Mikayla's sing-song voice greets me from the other line. _"I've been trying to reach you for days."_

"Sorry, I've been working nonstop it feels like." I can hear noise in the background and it sounds like a party. It's hard to hear her over it and I'm struck by a chord of jealousy. I haven't been to a party in months, haven't had fun in what feels like a lifetime. 

_"Listen, I called because the guys are playing this crazy festival in Sacramento next weekend. You can't miss it. Corey's band is playing and there's going to be like twenty others."_ I hear someone call her name and it sounds familiar, like my brother's voice. _"It's going to be huge. You can't miss it._ " The idea of packing up and heading to California without a second thought is unbelievably tempting. 

"I can't. I've got so much homework, plus I have to work. I really can't afford to take time off right now." I let out a sigh. 

_"Forget all that. Fieldy and the rest are making crazy money. I'll book you a flight on his credit card and call you tomorrow with the information."_

"I really don't think it's a good idea, Mikayla." I want to, lord knows I miss my brother, but leaving fight now seems like a mistake. 

" _Nonsense. Your brother won't forgive you if you miss his first big show and neither will I."_ Her voice is laced with mirth, but I know she's right. My brother has been working his ass off to pave a way alongside Korn, and I owe him that much, to be there for him. 

"Fine, but the minute the festival is over I'm back on a plane to Iowa." She squeals on the other end of the line. 

_"Yay!_ " I can't stop the eye roll. _"I'm going to call the airline right now and get you a first class seat."_

"No, seriously, I don't need first class. That's too expensive." My heart stops at the thought of her spending any money on me at all. 

_"You have no idea what the guys have been up to, do you?_ " I can hear the suspicion in her voice, but she's right, I don't. Every time they come on the tv, I turn the station. I can't stand to look at their raven haired lead singer for more than a second. _"Alexis, they're on every major radio station, every top ten countdown, they're fucking gods at this point. Fieldy can afford one plane ticket, I promise."_

"If you say so." I mumble before we say our goodbyes and hang up. My stomach turns with nervous butterflies as I start to reconsider what I had just agreed to do.

___

The Sacramento International Airport is loud with people everywhere as I drag my rolling suitcase across the tile towards the exit. The flight itself had been great in the oversized seat with endless champagne at my disposal. I had taken advantage of that and right now I feel a little buzzed, but I hold myself together as my eyes scan the crowd. I'll have to remind myself to thank Fieldy for the easy trip. 

"Alexis, over here!" I hear someone call and I whip around so fast my head could spin. My eyes lock on my brother and my heart just about explodes in my chest. 

"Corey!" I race over as fast as I can in the black, heeled combat boots. The second I'm within arms reach, he's pulling me into a bone crushing hug, but I don't complain. I've missed him so much. I haven't seen him since I left him here in the sunny state and phone calls just aren't the same. When he pulls back, I can tell he feels the same way I do. Never again do I want to go six months without seeing his face. "Come on, everyone is waiting for you." He takes my suitcase and starts dragging me towards the exit. 

"When does the show start?" There's an antique clock hanging on the wall as we wind through the crowd and I see it's nearing noon. Mikayla had told me the festival started at one, but the guys weren't playing until later in the evening. 

"We have to be at the venue by three." Corey leads me out where there's a black Jeep sitting at the curb with a very familiar raven haired woman in the passenger seat. The window is down, so when she sees us she starts waving frantically while calling my name. 

"Quite the welcome wagon." I tease as I look from him to her. 

"I couldn't drag her out of the car if I tried." Corey chuckles as Mikayla hops out of the car and pulls me into a hug of her own. 

"It's so good to see you." She breathes out into the curtain of my hair. The two of us have grown close. We've spent hours on the phone getting to know each other, and a part of me feels like I've known her my whole life. I've never made friends with girls easy, I grew up with Corey and by default his friends were also mine, so having a girl friend I can talk to has been a nice change. 

"Thank you for arranging everything and make sure you tell your brother I said thanks as well." I mumble in her ear before she releases me. 

"You can tell him yourself. They're waiting on us to get back so we can head over to the venue." She leans in to move the front passenger seat so I can climb into the back of the two door Wrangler while Corey busies himself with my suitcase. A jolt of nervousness shoots through my stomach as I situate myself.

"Perfect." I tell her with a smile.

___

The drive to the hotel is quick. Something about being back here just feels right and I'm glad I let Mikayla talk me in to coming. What takes me by surprise is the way my brother glances over at Mikayla every once in a while with a wide smile and when she catches him, a blush turns the pale skin of her cheeks and neck pink. Have they discovered a thing for each other? It seems that way. 

Corey had filled me in on the drive from the airport about the progression of Slipknot, the group he joined with his friends from Iowa. They've seen a lot of success here and just by the animated way he talks, I can tell he's happy. That's new for me and it fills my chest with pride. Once we pull into the hotel parking lot, Corey helps me with my stuff as Mikayla all but drags me towards the entrance. 

The parking lot is filled to capacity with vans spray painted with different band logos, buses, and cars. There's people everywhere and the buzz is hard to ignore. The sound of heavy guitars and drums filters out of a truck's stereo as a group of guys sit in the bed passing a rolled joint between them. It's like the entire state came for this and I'm excited to experience it. 

"If you want to shower you can, we've got three rooms between all of us." Mikayla tells me as we enter the hotel lobby and head for the elevators. Corey tags along behind. 

"I got ready before I left home, I wasn't sure if there would be enough time for all of that. I just need to change and fix my makeup." I motion towards the jeans and cut off sweatshirt. The plane was an icebox, but the California heat is a different beast entirely. I can already feel the prickles of sweat on my skin from walking across the lot. 

Once we reach the top floor of the hotel, I'm immersed into chaos. The hallway is filled with people coming and going from different rooms, some sitting on the floor talking, some acting like animals. A lot of the room doors are propped open and different genres of music flow out of each one. Rock, heavy metal, even hip-hop.

"A lot of the out of state bands booked this hotel." Corey tells me as he steps in front to lead the way through the crowd. "They've been partying all night." We walk a little further and Corey stops before digging a plastic keycard out of his wallet. He slips it in the mechanism on the door and it beeps as he turns the handle. Inside, it's a little quieter and once I step inside I see Joey sprawled out on the couch against the window. 

"You made it!" He stands up while brushing his long, brown hair over his shoulder. 

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it." He wraps me in a hug. "Good to see you guys." I squeeze him tight before letting go. Corey throws my suitcase on one of the two queen sized beds. 

"Get changed. We're going to go grab some food and then we'll come back to get you." My brother slips an arm around my shoulders and places a kiss to the top of my head. "No one should bother you. Munky is the only other one with a key to this room, so just keep the door shut."

"Bring me back something." I tell them as the three head for the door. 

Once they've left me alone in silence, I turn to the bright red suitcase and start digging through for something appropriate to wear. I find a pair of black fishnets and light blue jean shorts. I swap out the heeled combat boots for a pair of flat ones that come up just over the ankle before tugging on a graphic tee with the sleeves cut off. It dips low in the arms down to my ribcage and I check myself out in the mirror before settling on it. Lastly, I pull out one of Corey's old flannel button downs and tie it around my waist in a knot. 

Just as I'm about to pull out the overstuffed makeup bag and get to work on that, the door clicks and starts to swing open. Corey had by said Munky was the only one with a key, but I don't know why he would be coming in when everyone else is gone. Only, it's not Munky who is revealed to me when the door is open, it's Jonathan. I sit cross legged on the floor in front of the mirror as he stares at me from the entrance. 

"Hey." I whisper, not really sure what to say, but obviously one of us has to say something. 

"Hey." He repeats as he lets the door swing closed behind him, cutting off all noise from the hallway and leaving us in silence. 

"How've you been?" I keep my line of sight on the words written across his shirt, not sure I can look into those eyes and not feel something. After all the avoidance, turning off the television, switching the radio station, I feel unprepared to deal with him live and in the flesh. I knew I would have to, but I didn't know what it would feel like. 

"Do you give a shit?" He asks as he takes a step closer and leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. 

"Well, sure." I shrug. "Why wouldn't I?" I can feel his stare, it bores down into me as I sit awkwardly on the floor with my makeup strewn all around me. 

"How long are you here?" Jonathan ignores my question. 

"I fly back Monday morning. I have school and work." He nods and takes a seat on the edge of the bed behind me. I turn to the mirror where I can see his reflection in it and start working on my eyeliner. My eyes flicker to him every few seconds and it's a distraction as he watches me with a serious kind of curiosity. 

I manage to make it through the eyeliner without messing up too bad before reaching for the darkest lipstick I own, navy, almost black. One of my favorites. It's harsh against my light skin, but I love the way it makes me feel when I wear it. Jonathan continues to watch me without saying anything and I start to wonder why he's even here. He obviously didn't want to talk. 

"I told you before I left the last time, we don't have to do any weird awkward stuff." I mumble as I rub my lips together to blend the color. "I'm not going to be some crazy, clingy girl who follows you around, so if that's what you're afraid of, you don't need to be."

"That's not what I'm afraid of." His voice is low and just the sound of it causes my eyes to snap up to his in the mirror. The first thing I notice since looking at his face is that he's grown facial hair. It suits him, makes him even more attractive if that's even possible. 

"Then what? It's clear you don't want to talk." Jonathan stands and comes up behind me. I turn so I can look at him face to face while leaning back on my hands. His eyes move over my body, burning every inch of me as they trail along my fishnet covered legs, further up to the tops of my thighs where the denim ends. He kneels down so we are almost at eye level, his elbows resting on his thighs, but him still a bit taller. 

"Did you think about me?" He hasn't lost any of the intensity that sucked me in the first time, that's for certain. My body reacts to him in ways I can't even describe and it's as if no time has passed at all. I'm still drawn to him even when I did everything I could to avoid him. 

"No." I breathe out. "Not once." An eerie smirk forms on his lips as he reaches out to brush a hand against my cheek, but I turn to the side so he misses, but that only seems to encourage him and he uses that same hand to snatch me up by the chin, pulling me forward so our faces are only inches apart. The smell of him almost makes me groan, but I keep a straight, blank face, giving him nothing. 

"You're a liar." His eyes shift down to my lips. "A bad one, too." 

"I left and didn't think twice." I try to pull away, the close proximity too much as the butterflies only he causes take flight in my stomach. 

"I thought about you a lot." His thumb brushes over my bottom lip. 

"Let me go." 

"Every time I fucked someone, I thought about you. About your legs around my waist, your mouth, how fucking good you felt under me." It's hot in the room, if I didn't know better I would think someone turned on the heat, but I know it's just him. He has this affect on me without even trying. It's why I played Operation Avoidance since the day I left.

"You called me a slut, which means you'll never get inside this _sweet pussy_ ever again." I taunt while using his own words against him, the words he used the next day when he told me it was all he could think about. His grip on my face tightens almost painfully so as his eyes narrow. Without warning, he closes the distances and presses his lips to mine in a close mouthed kiss. My limbs suddenly remember how to work, so I reach up and push him off with enough force to almost make him lose his balance. 

Thankfully, we are interrupted just as he gets his footing and stands up by the door clicking unlocked as it opens to reveal Corey, Mikayla, and Joey holding food containers. Corey looks from me on the floor to Jonathan with a wary eye before setting the to-go boxes on the end table beside one of the beds.

"You about ready?" My brother asks me and I nod before turning back to the mirror to make sure Jonathan hadn't messed up what I had worked so hard to finish. 

"Yeah, Jonathan came over looking for you." Corey's gaze lands on the raven haired singer. 

"What's up?" 

"I just wanted to know if you guys are riding with us or not. We're leaving in a few minutes." I watch the two interact through the mirror and I don't miss the furrowed brows on my brother's face. He suspects something, it's written all over him. 

"Uh, yeah sure. As long as Alexis can be ready." He looks to me and I nod before capping the lipstick and standing. 

"I'm ready now." I tell Corey as he passes me a styrofoam container. 

"All I could find in a a hurry was nachos." My stomach growls as I open the lid and the smell of cheese wafts through my nose. For the time being, the butterflies have settled enough for me to focus on something else, but I do my best not to look in Jonathan's direction. 

"I'm going to go make sure everyone else is ready to leave." Jonathan tells Corey before heading for the door. I risk a look up just as he goes to exit, and I'm not surprised when I find that he's stealing one last look at me.

___

The festival venue is everything I could've asked for and then some. It's huge, way bigger than I ever expected with five separate stages, a main stage, and a campground. Instead of having to use the regular entrance, our little caravan of two vans pull in through the back where the rest of the musicians are unloading equipment. The guys jump into action like they've done this a million times as they start unloading instruments, amps, and merchandise from the trunks. 

"Do you want some help?" I ask Joey as he unloads a few pieces of the Slipknot drum kit. 

"Not with this, but could you run over and sign us in and get our passes?" He points a finger across the way where a tent has been set up with an attendant sitting at a metal table. "Make sure you get one for you and Mik, too."

"Sure, just you guys or Korn, too?" 

"I've got us, thanks though." A voice says from over my shoulder and I can't stop the eye roll. Thank god for the sunglasses or everyone would see my irritation at Jonathan coming up beside me. He's everywhere, I can't get away. 

"Cool." I mumble before turning on my heel and heading over to stand in the short line of people waiting to check in. I should've known me walking away wouldn't deter him, because not ten seconds after I get in line, does the smell of Calvin Klein hit me full force from behind. 

"You can keep running, I enjoy the chase." His face is close to my ear and his breath is hot against my cheek. 

"Back off." I snap while taking a step forward as the line moves. Jonathan is quiet for a moment.

"I shouldn't have called you a slut. I was pissed, okay?" That causes me to throw a surprised look over my shoulder. I hadn't expected an apology or for it to sound so sincere. "It sounded like you hook up with guys all the time and I got jealous." 

"I'm not yours to get jealous over, Jonathan. You have no claim to me." I turn back to face ahead, hoping he gets the picture. He's dangerous, makes me feel things I shouldn't, makes me want to do things I shouldn't. I can't have that in my life when I'm trying so hard to change. 

"What if I want one?" 

"You should talk to all the other women you fuck about that." I mumble as I take another step forward. There's only two people ahead of me, now. 

"Now who's jealous?" There's a smugness to his voice that makes me want to turn around and slap him, but I keep cool and say nothing. "Tell me you don't think about me when you fuck other people. I want to hear you say it." 

Again, I ignore his words because how embarrassing would it be to tell him I hadn't slept with anyone since. There wasn't time with work and school. I couldn't even find time for a nap, let alone a night out and a hook up. 

"Look at me." Theres almost a desperate tone to his voice and that alone causes me to turn and face him. "Take these off." One hand of his reaches to snatch the sunglasses off my face. He's so fucking pushy, so forceful it makes me angry and I reach for them back, but he holds them over his head. "Quit being so fucking stubborn and have a conversation with me, Jesus Christ." 

"We hooked up one time, Jonathan. Once. What do you want, my goddamn hand in marriage?" I try to keep my voice low, not wanting anyone around to overhear. 

"I want you to be honest and tell me I'm not the only one who felt something. You've got me on my fucking knees here asking you to just tell me the truth." For the first time, he does look like he's begging me, which is so far out of character for his overly dominant personality. Somehow, we've crossed a line I didn't even know existed. A line where there are emotions on the other side, not just sexual desire. 

"I didn't fuck anybody while I was gone, so I couldn't have thought about you." I mumble before turning around to face the front of the line once again. My cheeks heat a few degrees at his lack of response. 

"You're serious?" Theres genuine disbelief in his voice. 

"I'm not a slut, remember? I don't hook up with just anyone." 

"Then why did you hook up with me?" I shrug without saying a word. 

_"Next!"_ The woman at the metal table under the tent canopy calls out and I step forward since it's my turn. The interruption cuts off the conversation between the two of us and once I've gotten all the passes, I walk as fast as I can without running to get the hell away from Jonathan Davis.

An hour later, I had someone gotten talked into working the merch table with Mikayla, but it's nice to have something to focus my mind on. I'm surprised by the amount of people interested in Slipknot and my end of the table has been busy, almost as busy as Mikayla who's handling Korn's. The guys had gotten pulled away awhile ago for sound check, so I hadn't had to deal with any lurking stares. I feel like I can breathe with the separation, but I know he'll be back. He always is. 

As the line begins to dwindle down for tees and other memorabilia, I can hear the sound of heavy guitars coming from the stage just behind us. Mikayla turns to me with wide eyes as her lips begin to curve into a smirk. 

"That's your brother, babe. We need to pack this stuff up and get a move on." Mikayla starts picking up stacks of tees and tossing them into boxes and I help, trying to move as quick as I can so I don't miss much of my brother's set. By the time we have the boxes loaded back into the van, Mikayla takes my hand in hers and takes off running towards the backstage entrance staircase. 

"Wait, we aren't going down?" I force her to stop as I point back the way we'd come where the barricade to the crowd is. 

"No, babe. Not anymore." There's a look there I can't quite pin down, but there's not time to think twice as she starts moving up the steps at lightening speed. I thank the lord I decided to change into flat boots because I would break an ankle if I hadn't. 

Backstage is madness as we weave through the stage hands moving about doing their jobs. I'm not shocked when we finally make it to the edge where I can see my brother out in front of the crowd, to see the Korn guys hanging around watching. I'm excited to see my brother play and it only takes a second before the instruments strike up the first song. 

I'm completely blown away as I stand beside Mikayla watching my brother do what he loves the most. They may not be well known, but the crowd is loving every second of the performance. The energy is out of control and I find myself singing along to the lyrics Corey use to make me read over when he'd finish.

Halfway through their set, I feel a presence behind me and I'm enveloped in that signature smell I'm so use to now after such a short period of time. Arms wind around my waist and I look down to see the rings. Rings that left bruises on my neck and ass, rings that felt like god on my skin. 

"What are you doing?" I snap out over my shoulder as he pulls me closer, just loud enough for him to hear. Mikayla looks our way and I don't miss the way she raises a brow and mouths the word _wow_ from too far away to hear audibly. I try to take a step forward, to unlatch myself from his grip, but as to be expected, Jonathan only holds on tighter. 

"Stage guy was staring at your cute little ass." He whispers in my ear and I shiver. 

"So?"

"So, while you're here that's _my_ cute little ass." I play it cool, but inside my stomach is doing cartwheels. His persistence is slowly melting the barrier I had set up for him and him alone. 

"You think so?"

"I know so." I want to resist, I know I should, but against my better judgement I lean back into his chest and I can feel him exhale, like that simple move just lifted a weight off of him. "Finally." He mumbles against the side of my face while giving my waist a squeeze. It feels good to give in. 

Forty-five minutes of nonstop Slipknot come to a close without a hitch. The minute Corey moves to head this way, I try once again to squirm out of Jonathan's grip. That just earns myself a nip of his teeth to my naked shoulder. 

"Your brother isn't going to give a shit." He warns as Corey makes eye contact with me. My brother comes off stage and I feel my heart rate quicken as I stand there awkwardly, held captive by his good friend. 

"What's this?" Corey questions with a raised brow, his face dripping with sweat. He wipes it away with the bottom hem of his shirt as Jonathan finally releases me so I can give my brother a hug. 

"What's it look like?" I say in his ear as a smirk forms on my lips. In all honesty, I don't know what _this_ is, but I know it makes my stomach flip and my heart race. "The set was amazing. I'm so proud of you." Corey holds me at arms length and looks from me to Jonathan without saying a word. For a second, I'm afraid of what's going to come out of his mouth, but then a grin forms. 

"Wow, so my sister is the girl you kept saying you couldn't get out of your head, man?" My eyes widen as I turn to look back at the dark haired man behind me, but he says nothing. "Who fucking knew?" Corey chuckles and steps past me to clap Jonathan on the back, meanwhile I'm completely lost. Maybe it wasn't just a one time hook up for him, either. 

"Thanks for calling me out." Jonathan jokes as he looks over at me, almost gauging my reaction to the accidental omission. "Hey, Munky, how much time do we have?" Corey wanders over to Mikayla who is waiting with a water bottle and sparkling eyes meant only for him. She winds her arms around him, not caring that he's covered in sweat from head to toe and he presses a kiss to her lips. My suspicions had been right in the car on the way to the hotel, they did start something between the two. 

"Twenty minutes, then we're on." Munky responds as he hands his guitar to a stage hand. 

"Can I talk to you?" Jonathan approaches and takes my hand without waiting for a response. Typical. He starts pulling me away from the stage and down a hallway.

"Where are we going?" I question as I try to keep up with his brisk pace. Dressing rooms, I realize as I check out the labels on the doors as we pass them by. Finally, we come to one with Korn's logo in it. Once we are inside the room, with nothing more than a couch and a few chairs, Jonathan releases me as he shuts the door before turning to look at me. 

"Take your shorts off." His hand twitches as he reaches to lock the door and my heart comes to a stop in my chest. The look on his face makes my skin flush as he stares at me like I'm the only woman in the world. He only woman who can bring out his demons, as he told me once before. 

"What?" I breathe out while looking over his head at the clock on the wall.

"Do it." He snaps while taking a step closer. His fingers find the button himself, but I slap them away so I can do it myself. I keep my eyes locked on his as he watches my movements. 

"So, you've been talking about me, hm?" I keep my voice low and even, but it's as if he doesn't even hear me. The button pops with ease and I slowly push the shorts down my legs, making sure to take my sweet time. I reach for the top of my fishnets next, but that earns a shake of the head from Jonathan. 

"Leave those." He smirks before grabbing me by the back of the neck and backing me towards the couch. The feel of his lips on mine is enough to send my head into the clouds and I'm fully distracted by them as he grabs my ass and lifts me onto the arm of the beat up couch. I can feel myself growing wetter as each second ticks on.

"We don't have time for this." I mumble against his mouth before placing a few kisses along his jawline while he fumbles with his belt. 

"Trust me, it won't take long." With that, he sinks his teeth into the skin of my neck while slipping his hands up my thighs to the place between my legs. I tip my head back, my hair tickling the backs of my arms as he slips his fingers into the fishnet material covering my core. He snaps the threads like it's nothing before slipping between my legs. It's all I can do to keep myself balanced on the edge of the couch, so I wind my arms around his neck and lace my fingers through his hair. I've never wanted anyone as bad as I want him right now. I can't imagine ever wanting anything this much. 

"Hurry up." I whine as he uses one hand to support my back so I don't fall and the other to push his jeans and boxers down. 

"Needy little slut." The words send an electric shock straight to my core and suddenly he's at my entrance, pushing in and filling me until my mouth falls open. My legs wind around his waist to rest on his hips as he sets a quick pace that has me seeing stars in seconds. His mouth claims mine as his free hand slips between my legs to rub tight circles over my clit. "You feel so fucking good." 

The roughness of his voice only intensifies the high. My arms wind around his neck so he doesn't have to hold onto me anymore and his free hand grips my ass, the fishnets biting into my skin as he pulls them tight before digging his fingers into the flesh of my ass. It hurts, his nails stinging as they mark me while his hips pump faster, pushing me further and further as I cling to his neck. My fingers tangle in his hair as I press open mouthed kisses to the skin of his collarbone, neck, anywhere I can reach. 

Jonathan's movements are frenzied and rushed, like he knows he doesn't have enough time to draw this out like the first time, but none of the intensity and force is lost. I know I'm going to be sore after this. My hips ache from the quick pace and the fabric of the couch burns the skin of my ass, but I love every second of it. 

"Cum for me." His breathe is hot against the skin of my chest as he places his forehead there, his grip moving to pinch my nipple between his fingers. I'm close, so fucking close and the sound of his voice is enough to push me over the edge. "Fuck, when you cum it's like a vice around my cock." His voice is shaky as his thrusts slow. His mouth is hot against my sweaty skin and I try to catch my breath as his orgasm hits him full force and I can feel him fill me. 

Once he's released me from his hold, I slip back and fall onto the couch cushions on my back. My heart pounds in my chest as I watch him run his hands through his hair, his eyes still locked on me laying half naked and spent in front of him. After he's gotten his jeans situated, he comes over and leans down so his hand is resting on the back of the couch over me, his other takes me by the chin before pressing his lips to mine. 

"First time I've had a clear head in six months." I can feel the smirk on his face before he pulls away and grabs my shorts. 

"What are you going to do when I fly back to Iowa?" I tease, but that only earns me a dark look as he tosses the denim my way. I stand from the couch and slip my legs in before buttoning them up. "What?" I question when I see him still staring at me, the smirk gone.

“If it was up to me you wouldn’t be going back.” Before I can respond, theres a sharp knock on the door and Jonathan steps over to unlock it. Mikayla pops her head in with a knowing look all over her face as she looks from him to me. I’m sure I look a wreck, my fishnets torn and my makeup smeared. 

“They’re looking for you out here.” She tells Jonathan as I step over to the mirror to look myself over. Not too bad, just a little touch up of lipstick and running my fingers through my hair should do the trick. 

“I’ll be there in a second.” She accepts his answer and steps out, closing the door behind her. “Stay here.” The words take me by surprise and I turn to look at him with bewilderment. 

“What?” I deadpan. 

“Your brother is here. There’s not shit for you in Iowa. There’s schools in Long Beach you can transfer to.”

“I have a job, Jonathan. A life there.” 

“Bullshit, your brother told me what it’s like for you in that city.” He steps closer and slips his hands onto my hips. 

“I’m not picking up my life and moving so you have a nice fuck at your disposal whenever you want it.” 

“You think that’s all this is?” He reaches up and takes me by the back of the neck as his eyes bore down into mine. “It’s not.”

“Then what is it?” 

“I don’t know, but you were on my mind every day for six fucking months. I pictured you with other guys and it was enough to make me lose my mind.” The thought of that makes my chest tighten. Instead of brushing him off like I’ve been trying to do, I reach up and rest my hand on his cheek. 

“I wasn’t with anyone else.” I admit, trying to push the embarrassment of that down. I don’t know if he knew I was serious when we talked about this earlier, but I want him to know I was. An emotion I can’t quite pin down flashes across his face as he realizes what I’m saying. Possessiveness almost, relief maybe. 

“Fuck, thank god.” His lips find mine for a quick kiss. “I have to go, but we’ll finish this after.” As the words leave his mouth there’s another knock at the door. This time it’s my brother. 

“They’re going to send out a search party if you don’t move your ass.” Corey tells Jonathan as he looks from him to me. 

“I’m coming.” Jonathan pulls himself away after pressing a kiss to my forehead and with that, he disappears from the room, leaving me alone with Corey. 

“You know, out of everyone here I would not have guessed you’d go for Jonathan Davis.” He smirks and I roll my eyes. 

“Shut up.” I make my way to the door and shove him in the shoulder. “I want to watch their set, so let’s go.” Corey slings an arm over my shoulder as we make our way back down the hallway towards the stage where I can already hear the dirty, gritty sound of Korn’s instrumentals. I feel relieved, I feel spent, my body still very conscious of Jonathan’s lingering touch. Maybe he’s right, maybe there’s nothing left for me in Iowa. Maybe everything I want is right here in California.


	4. Prey for Me

**ALEXIS  
LONG BEACH, CA**

I had no idea what to expect when I'd told my brother the night of the Sacramento festival that I wanted to move to California for the indefinite future. I hadn't expected him to grin like a fool and immediately call up one of his friends back home to start packing up my apartment, but that's what he'd done. What would that look like? Would I live with them in the already crowded three bedroom apartment with Corey, Munky, Jonathan, sometimes Mikayla and almost always a random person or two on the couch?

The details don't matter though, not when I step out of the shower a month later in a pair of boy shorts and one of Jonathan's shirts to look at him laying on his back in bed with his knees up, a notebook resting on them and a pencil between his teeth while he thinks, his sweatshirt hood up around his head. A pair of black square framed glasses rest on his face and my heart swells in my chest. The big, bad rockstar wears reading glasses and he's never looked more adorable. 

"I can feel you staring at me." He mumbles without looking up and I grin. That's all it takes and I'm crawling into bed, taking the notebook from him and tossing it to the side before slipping my leg over his waist to straddle him. A chuckle rumbles through his chest as I place my cheek on his chest and rest all of my weight on him. The sweatshirt he's wearing smells like cigarette smoke and cologne, my new favorite mixture. 

"What are you writing?" I mumble into the material as I slip my arms under his as he winds them around me and squeezes. 

"I don't know yet. I've got this melody stuck in my head, but I can't quite figure out what I want to do with it." 

"I'm sure whatever it is will be legendary." I tease while lifting my head so I can press a kiss to his lips. "Can I be of any assistance for inspiration?" 

"You've done enough of that." His hand presses to my cheek to hold me against him for a moment longer. My eyes close so I can relish every last second of it. "You tired?" He mumbles as he releases me, his eyes closing as he relaxes into the pillow and I settle into his chest once more. 

"Mmm, a little." I whisper as his hand crawls up the back of my shirt to rest on my skin. 

The apartment is a never ending party. Tonight is no different and the sound of voices and music filter in through the closed bedroom door. Normally, Jonathan would be out there with the rest of them while I hole up in here to study, but tonight is different. Tonight he'd clung to my waist when I tried to leave the living room and followed me back here to wait for me to finish a long, hot shower without interruption. 

Over the course of a month, I've come to know him better than anyone. Night time is my favorite, when the lights are off and we can't see each other's faces and all we have is the honest truth of our words. I could talk to him for hours and not get bored, just the two of us sharing our secrets back and forth. 

I've learned that Jonathan loves to read and hates religion. I know now that he had a really traumatic childhood and that's where his intensity stems from, his constant need for control. I don't mind giving it over to him. He needs it and if he has to have some form of dominance to keep from going crazy, I'll give him that. 

Jonathan's free hand reaches up to brush through my hair and the feel of him playing with it gives me goosebumps. A smile forms on my lips even though he can't see it with my face buried in his chest, but I've never felt this before. This kind of contentment. I could lay here forever and be happy. If it hadn't been for his persistence, his somewhat crazy obsession, we wouldn't be here today. 

"What are you thinking about?" His fingertips dance along the skin of my back and I shiver as he speaks. 

"How comfy you are." I lie as I squeeze my arms around him, not wanting to admit that I'm in a full on daydream. I could fall asleep right now. As if knowing I'm on the precipice, he shifts and rolls me onto my back in the middle of the bed. Jonathan leans over me, his hood falling down and his hair tickling my cheek as his lips press against the center of my forehead, then down to the tip of my nose before resting on my mouth. A content hum passes over my lips as I close my eyes. 

"I want to try something with you that I've never done with anyone else." Those words catch me off guard and my eyes open to see the seriousness in his eyes. His gaze takes me in, every inch of exposed skin as he sits up enough to get a good look. 

Fingertips brush over my neck and down to my arm where my bicep has the prints of his hand bruised into the flesh. Further down, he slides both hands up under my shirt to expose my naked upper body. His lips ghost over my chest where there's remnants of teeth marks and even further down to my hips where his fingers seem to be engraved there, a permanent fixture. Jonathan stares at each mark of his with an expression I can't read. 

My skin is a roadmap of every intimate moment we've shared. It's always rough, always aggressive and filled with so much desire it seems unreal when I think about it. Some might even say it pushes boundaries that are better left untouched, like the way his grip tightens around my neck until I'm close to losing my mind or how he pulls my hair until my eyes burn with tears. I've never complained because most of me loves it, relishes in the pain, even. Jonathan can be soft when he wants to be, like right before he falls asleep he's as soft as a marshmallow, so cuddly and needy it makes my chest tighten just thinking about it, but the moment sex gets involved, it's a different story. 

"What?" I whisper while running my fingers through his hair while he places kisses along my lower abdomen. When he doesn't answer, I reach down and place a finger under his chin, forcing him to look up at me. 

"Don't fucking laugh at me, okay?" His voice is quieter as he avoids looking me in the eyes. 

"Tell me." My brows furrow as I realize how hard whatever he wants to say is to get out. 

"I want you to show me how to do this without doing," he hesitates. "This." He brushes his thumb over the bruises on my hip bones. My chest squeezes as I consider what he's asking of me. 

"Hey." I place both of my hands on his cheeks and drag him back up so we are at eye level. "You don't have to change anything for me." His dark gaze bores down into me as he rests his weight on his hands placed on either side of my head. My hands wander down his body to the bottom hem of his sweatshirt before running up underneath so I can feel his skin. The muscles there tighten and I can feel goosebumps spread across his skin.

"Show me." He repeats while my stomach flips at the change of pace. Without thinking too much into it, I push him back over and sit up so I can look down at him. Theres nervous anticipation written all over him, I can see it in the way he doesn't reach for me, the way his eyes shift like he's not sure of what's happening. I slide over his body once again and run my hands up under the sweatshirt before leaning down to press a soft trail of kisses along his stomach and ribcage. 

It feels weird to be the one in control, to have him under me instead of the other way around. When I look up at his face, he's watching me with curiosity. I sit up and grab the hem of my own shirt before pulling it over my head. His eyes follow those movements and I'm left in just the pair of black boy shorts. When his hands move up to touch me, I swat them away with a smirk. 

"Keep them here." I bite my bottom lip as I take his wrists and place them on either side of his body on the mattress. I'm reminded of the first time we did this and it's clear he's thinking it, too. 

"Are you trying to be funny?" Jonathan raises a brow as I shake my head. 

"Not even a little bit." The corners of his mouth curve up, but I lean forward and press a kiss to his mouth. Within a second, his hands are at my face, but I pull back to look at him. "Put them back." I whisper, my voice low and that only causes him to grin harder. 

"Whatever you say." Jonathan complies, but this time he places his hands on the pillow behind his head, like he's kicked back watching a movie. My hands resume their path up his body, pushing the material up further, exposing more skin to me as my lips follow along behind. I take my time as I kiss the skin of his chest, over to the side of his ribcage, making sure to run my tongue along the most sensitive places. Finally, I grab the sweatshirt by the front and drag pull him forward so he's sitting up against me and push the material up and over his head. 

My arms wind around his neck before sliding my flat palms down the newly exposed flesh of his back while pressing my lips to his. The kiss is slow, no wandering hands involved. It's different for us, but I can tell he likes it by the way his hands find my thighs where he squeezes before sliding them around to grip my ass.

"Not so hard, remember?" I mumble against his mouth and he seems to snap back to the present as he instantly loosens his grip. Moving my hands to his shoulders, I push him back down on his back. Jonathan stares up at me like I hold his universe in my hands and it fills my stomach with butterflies. I rock my hips back again his, my palms flat on his chest. The movement causes his eyes to close as my lower body connects with his in the most delicious way. I repeat the motion over and over, the feel of him hard against my core almost too much to take. 

"I take it back." He grits out while taking my hips in his hands, forcing me back onto that same spot that felt like heaven. "I need to be inside you." I lean down so our chests are flush, my hard nipples again his skin. 

"Be patient." I whisper before claiming his mouth in a heated kiss that causes my skin to flush. Jonathan uses his hands to rock my hips against his and it's clear to me he's getting impatient. He's use to getting what he needs on his terms. It's foreign territory for him to me at someone else's mercy. 

So, instead of letting him have his way, while our mouths are connected I reach back and take his hands in mine. With our fingers laced together, I raise them over his head just like he did me the first night we slept together, all while continuing the grinding motion of our lower bodies. A groan rumbles through his chest as he fights the hold I have on his hands. 

It's not a secret that Jonathan could easily overpower me, but the fact that he's letting me have that control when he could take it back the minute he doesn't get what he wants makes my feelings for him only grow stronger. I release my hold on him and run my hands down his body as he stares down at me with hooded eyes. I sit up and reach for the band of my panties before sliding them while keeping eye contact. 

**JONATHAN**

It takes all of my self control and willpower to not fuck this up. I keep my hands anchored down to my sides as Alexis drags my boxers down. I want her so fucking bad it's physically painful. What I want to do is forget all of this control shit, but then I see the way she looks at me. She's enjoying every second of this, every shot she calls makes her eyes brighten just a little. 

I knew all along from the moment I met Alexis she was use to getting her way. Corey made that clear just by the way he talked about her. She's his baby sister, his best friend, but right now the only thought inside my head is to claim her for myself. The bruises and the red hand prints, that's my way of making it true.

Alexis was right when she told me I had no claim to her the second time she came here, but as long as I could make those purple fingerprints on the skin of her hips and thighs, anyone she fucked would know, until they faded, that I had her first. 

The moment she takes my stiff cock in her hand and eases it inside her is the minute I stop thinking clearly, if I had been at all. The way her eyes flutter closed like she needs it as bad as I do is enough to bring out the animal in me. Her hips still as she placed her flat palms on my chest, bracing herself there as her hair falls around her face. 

When her eyes open, they're narrow slits of lust as she shifts before rocking her body back and forth in a slow rhythm that has my fists clenching. The way her tits bounce, her bottom lip finding its way between her teeth as she picks up the pace make my mouth water. 

"Touch me." Alexis whispers and that's all I need to come unglued from the mattress. Before she can take another breath, I'm sitting up holding her in my arms with her hands on my shoulders as she moves. My mind races with aggressive thoughts. Squeeze, bite, bruise, own, but I swallow them down. The little pants coming from Alexis as she grinds her body drive me insane. I asked her to show me how to be gentle, but it's so fucking hard to stay focused. 

To keep from losing my mind just from looking at her, I claim her lips, forcing my tongue into her mouth as she digs her nails into the skin of my shoulder, not hard enough to mark, but enough to let me know she's loving every second. I can do this, I can be normal, I can make her cry for me without hurting her. My fingers thread through her hair before using my legs to push her over onto the mattress. She stares up at me with a smirk as she catches her breath. 

I'm over her in a second and she wastes no time gripping those perfect thighs around my waist, dragging me in so I can sink inside her once again. Her head tips back as she reaches up to lace her fingers through my hair. My mouth finds her neck, chest, the flesh just above her nipple. I can't last like this, not with the way she's squeezing me, refusing to let me pull out. 

"Jonathan." Alexis whispers as I pulse my hips, the feel of her tight walls bringing me closer to the edge. 

"Fucking perfect." I breathe out against her collarbone and that only causes her to drag me closer while I brace myself with one hand on the mattress, the other reaching to drag her leg up to rest over my shoulder. I can get deeper this way, causing a groan to leave my chest as I thrust in and out at a slow pace that has her begging for more. Alexis runs her hands over every bit of skin she can as she stares up at me through hooded eyes like I'm her own person Jesus. 

This new angle has her legs trembling and I know she's losing it when her inner walls clench around my dick hard enough to send me into a mind blowing orgasm of my own. I wanted this to last longer, I could be inside her for hours. The way she's looking at me right now, I wish I could memorize it, take a Polaroid and keep it in my pocket until I'm dead. Her eyes snap closed as she cries out, but I lean down to swallow it with my own mouth, resting my full weight onto her as her thighs shiver and squeeze my hips. 

Alexis winds her arms around my upper body, holding me close as I rest my head on her chest as the air leaves my lungs in ragged breaths. I'm fully prepared to get my heart to slow before doing it all over again, but the feel of her fingertips brushing down my spine fills my chest with a tight contentment, something I've never felt in my life. 

**ALEXIS**

The next week passes by as we all get into a kind of pattern of life. During the day, I spend my time at the community college while the guys drink, practice, skateboard, whatever they feel like. At night, they play at different clubs or if there's an off night they aren't booked, we party. Something changed in Jonathan after the night he asked me to show him how to be different. I expected him to go back to the way he was before, but that hasn't been the case. 

As I sit on the living room floor, much like I use to back home in Iowa with my books strewn out all around, for once the apartment is quiet. The guys had gone down to the park to play a game of pick-up basketball, leaving me to study in peace. I hadn't had much time to really think about anything since packing up my life and taking a chance, but as both my brother and Jonathan's exposure only grows, I start to worry about what the future may hold. I have no claim to the frontman, we had never made anything definite. I see the way the girls in the audience look at him, the way they fight for just a smile or a second of his time.

I'm drug out of those thoughts, a yellow number two pencil poised between my lips, gaze focused out the window when the front door opens to reveal the source of my wandering mind. Jonathan heads to the refrigerator for a beer before turning to look at me, his hips resting against the counter top. 

"A little early for drinking, isn't it?" I mumble while tossing the pencil down and turning my attention to him. 

"It's noon." He shrugs as if it's nothing unusual, which for the guys, it's really not. I don't even know why I pointed it out. 

"You'll be drunk by three, I know." I tease, but deep down I do wish he could be sober more often. The Jonathan I get when he's not high or drunk is the best version of himself.

"What's wrong?" His brows furrow. 

"Nothing." I force a believable smile, but he's not fooled. Jonathan sees right through me just like Corey. In just a second, he's walked across the room and kneeled down in front of me. He reaches out to take my face in his hand, the intensity I've grown to love blazing in his brown orbs. 

"You know better than to bullshit me." I hold his gaze, giving nothing away and that seems to frustrate him. "Tell me." Instead of answering, I sit up on my knees and wind my arms around his neck. Jonathan stiffens out of confusion, but when he realizes I'm not pulling back, he squeezes me tight. "What's wrong, babe?" He mumbles against the side of my head while his hands run up and down my back. 

"I was just thinking about stupid shit and it made me sad." I press a kiss to the side of his neck before pulling back and trying my best to shake it off. 

"Thinking about what?" 

"You." I answer honestly. More confusion spreads across his features. 

"Thinking about me makes you sad, huh?" He tries to tease, but the worry is still there. 

"About you and the future." I shrug. "Sometimes I get caught up in my head, it's nothing." 

"Don't do that, let's talk about it." He plops down in front of me and pushes the books out of the way so there's nothing in between us. 

"You're going to think I'm stupid." I whine as I situate myself so my legs are stretched out in front of me and Jonathan takes my ankles to pull them into his lap. 

"I'm going to be annoyed as shit if you don't tell me what's on your mind."

"I see the way women look at you, you know?" Another shrug as my eyes shift off behind him. I feel childish bringing this up, but I can't help that it's what I'm thinking. "It just makes me wonder what we're doing, I guess." The lost look on his face morphs into one of understanding as he nods his head up and down. 

"What do you think we're doing if you had to say it out loud?" 

"Sleeping together, living together, I don't know." My walls start to form, I can feel them moving into place brick by brick. 

"That's it, we just coexist in the same place and fuck when we want to, right?" I'm taken off guard by his nonchalant tone, like he's trying to convince me that indeed, that's all it is and I start to disengage. "Babe, look at me." He scoots closer, forcing my legs around his waist as he drags me so I'm basically sitting in his lap. I don't want to look at him, I want to go back in time and not have this conversation at all. 

"Quit." I mumble as he tries to take my face in his hand once again. 

"You think I ask every woman I fuck for the same shit I ask you for, to show me how to be different, or do you really think I let anybody sleep in my bed who isn't important to me?" My heart rate increases as I listen to what he's saying. 

"You let me sleep in your bed the first night you met me." When I look at him, his expression is stone-like. 

"Exactly." 

"So, that just proves my point." 

"It proves the point that I gave a shit about you from the day you showed up here." My eyes shift down to his hand resting on my thighs. "And yeah, the sex kind of sealed the deal." Jonathan jokes as he leans in to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth. "I couldn't live without that if you tried beating me off with a stick, but it's more than that." 

"Is it?" My voice is softer, less defensive. Jonathan says nothing, just drags me in for a kiss that eases all the worry in my mind. 

"You want labels, babe? Will that make you feel better?" He mumbles against my lips. 

"Not if you don't want them." His thumb brushes. 

"I don't give a shit what you call me to other people, but I know I would lose my mind if you fucked anyone else or cooked another man those amazing chocolate chip pancakes you make me." The look in his eyes is so undeniably genuine I have no choice but to believe it. "And I'm not out looking for the next best thing. I'm happy knowing you're here waiting on me." 

"So, no labels then," A small smile begins to form at the corners of my mouth as I begin to realize that maybe he does feel the way I feel. "But it's understood." Jonathan nods before pressing a kiss to my forehead. 

"I don't need a cheesy name like your boyfriend to know you're all mine." He's right, any kind of socially acceptable label seems childish and so much less than what we really are. Without saying a word, Jonathan takes me of my hands in his and slips one of the silver rings from his fingers before sliding it onto my middle. Not the ring finger, no that would be too obvious and sentimental which isn't us, but the one he chooses is the one that bruised my neck the first night I slept in his bed, my favorite. "There." He smirks. With one simple kiss, any doubt is forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short story, I’m thinking five chapters maximum I don’t think Jonathan Davis gets nearly enough credit these days, and I LOVE this man.


End file.
